Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
