I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
As shirtless as possible
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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