puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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