then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
