dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
