A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
