mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
