oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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