what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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