Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
