Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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