We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
