I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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