youre lurking in front of me
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
