Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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