Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
