see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
