god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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