I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
