matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
