The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
so much tequila, so little girl.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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