i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
