I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
i think my cat just said my name.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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