You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
