I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
