Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
