i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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