We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
