Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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