our cab driver is having phone sex.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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