He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
