its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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