it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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