Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
