You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
There's always time for handjobs
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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