some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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