we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
