Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
