I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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