I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
