everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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