i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
