Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
