Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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