I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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