wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
