fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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