who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
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I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
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You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains