Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Dating After Heartbreak
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts