I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.