I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
What is this nonsense on the table
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?