She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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