Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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