just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
