He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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