i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
