he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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