just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
