This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
