She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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