Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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