his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
