I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
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One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
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It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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