The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
