Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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