Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
