I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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