in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i think my mom watched the whole time
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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