Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
