her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
