I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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