I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
