I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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