So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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