Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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