hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
