he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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